


Italians, Eggs and Evil, Evil Englishmen (16.12.2011)

by Introverted_Cupcake_x



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, old fic I wrote back in 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9793742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Introverted_Cupcake_x/pseuds/Introverted_Cupcake_x
Summary: This is a cracktastic fanfic that you'll either love or hate... Italy announces that he's pregnant, but in an anatomically impossible way... and we all know who the father is!





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back on the 16th December 2011 where I published it onto F*nfiction.net the same day. It's a crack fic, plus nothing has been improved or edited, so the grammar may seem sketchy, but that was because it came from the era when Hetalia ruled the two top spots in the anime/manga section... Oh dear god I just spaced the sentences and it's worse. It's bad.

It was a bright sunny morning and Italy was skipping happily, but slowly, because he was holding an egg. Where did the egg come from, you ask?

"Germany! Germany!" Italy cried when he saw the tall figure walk towards him.

"What is it, Italy?" Germany asked gruffly. He didn't sound normal, but Italy chatted on.

"Look! I laid an egg while I was asleep!" the Italian chirped, holding out the plain white egg to show him.

"How... where DID the egg come from?" Germany asked, plainly confused.

"Don't you remember that wonderful night we spent together a few months ago...?" Italy's face turned red as he said that. "You were as drunk as an Irishman and then you pushed me onto the bed and-"

"Bloody hell! Germany really did that?!" Germany's accent suddenly changed and Italy screamed, backing up quickly and pointed at him.

"Y-YOU'RE NOT GERMANY! YOU'RE ENGLAND DISGUISED AS HIM!" he shrieked.

"Bollocks!" England snapped. His disguise was really good too.

"What do you want from me?!" Italy cried. He backed up against a wall and he gulped.

"I want that egg off you! It's obvious that it's going to be a new country when it hatches, so I'll claim it as a British colony when I take it off you! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!!" England cackled as he announced his evil plan.

Italy held his egg protectively close to him.

"Please don't take it away! Me and Germany worked hard to make this egg and I don't want you to take it awaaaaay!!!" Italy cried as England closed in on him.

"Heh-heh-heh... Don't worry, I'll raise him to be the kind of colony that'll never disobey or leave me... also, it'll hate pasta," England smirked, emanating an aura as evil as Russia's.

That last part sent Italy into hysterics.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" his screams echoed around the city...

England's sinister hands reached out to grab the egg out of Italy's hands, when...

WHAM!

Italy opened his eyes in time to see England getting punched by Germany. He was punched so hard he stumbled a few feet before collapsing onto his back.

"Germany!" Italy cried happily.

Germany reached his hand out to Italy and he pulled him up to his feet. Gently.

"What happened? And where did you get that egg from...?" Germany asked, confusedly.

"Oh! Right! Do you remember that wild party a few months ago when you got as drunk as an Irishman and then you pushed me onto the bed and -"

"DON'T go there, I remember!" Germany groaned with a headache.

He snapped his attention to England opposite him when he stood up and rubbed his cheek where Germany punched him.

"Bah! You won't get away with this! I'll invade your vital regions in due time!" England ranted before running off.

Germany turned when he heard Italy whimpering. He frowned.

"What's wrong, Italy? He's run off like a coward."

"I-I-I-It was frightening!" Italy whimpered and he hugged the egg close. "I was so sure he was gonna steal our egg off me... and turn our child into a pasta-hating nation!" He broke into sobs.

'Wait! He was worried because the child would've been made to hate PASTA?!' Germany's mind screamed.

"Err... You were brave, Italy," he remarked suddenly. Those words worked a treat because they stopped Italy crying.

"...Ve?" Italy blinked and looked at the German.

"Y-you refused to hand the egg over, so... that makes you brave... kind of," Germany carried on, going a little red, "if it were me, I probably would've handed it over, but you stood your ground like... like a true soldier, like a true mother."

Italy's eyes glistened again, but this time he smiled.

"Ve... thanks, Doitsu!" he cheered and he lunged and hugged Germany while carefully holding the egg close to his side.

Carefully, Germany awkwardly hugged him back, glad that he... no, they protected their soon-to-be child.

For the first time in ages, he... smiled!

Later...

"Ve, Germany! When the egg hatches, what should we call our child?" Italy chirped.

"Germany Junior."

…

…

…

England suddenly sat up on the bed he was sleeping on and he rubbed his head. “…That’s it. No more scones before bed… what a dream… but why do I see it happening to Germany and Italy for real…?”


End file.
